Damn Hard Work

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Fighting depression is damn hard work. Sorry about the language…but it’s true! I’m beat. As I was napping on my lunch break I tried to figure out how to visualize what depression physically felt like to me.  Lots of times I know I look like this:


Happy, smiling and supportive. Which I am, really, sometimes. I don’t have melancholy. Even with depression I can be happy. But sometimes I’m not. 

Sometimes I feel like this on the inside: 

 
I was watching the Doctor Who in that last picture! 

It’s hard to explain. So…strangely enough…the image that popped into my head when I tried to visualize my depression…Being on Peter Pan’s Flight at Disney! I know, right?!? Odd!  

Peter Pan’s Flight is a happy, fun KIDS ride! It’s one of my favorites. If you don’t know it, just search for it on YouTube. Lots of people have filmed ride throughs. It’s gentle, magical and slightly suspenseful. 

But your ship rocks a little. Sometimes it feels like you make abrupt movements. The ground drops out from under you and things get dark. I think there is also an element of being reminded of not wanting to grow up and adult on a daily basis. That stinks. 

I would have thought the Haunted Mansion would be more appropriate, but nope! You go to the haunted mansion for the thrill. You know the drop is coming. Even though you know Peter Pan has a dark side, you don’t go into it thinking its a scary thrill ride! You are lulled into peacefulness with happy music and much loved memories from childhood.  The ride has subtle fear, jerks you around the tiniest bit and maybe even disorients you for a second …just like my brain with messed up neurotransmitters! 

In the end, though, you leave the ride smiling and just maybe have a sense again of what life could be if you rediscover that childish wonder! That’s my depression, too. It comes and goes, blindsides me, makes me fight it…and in the end I come out victorious-just like Peter Pan! It’s hard work though…
 

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One response »

  1. Pingback: Accidental Beauty Blogger | The Happy Heather Project

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