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Friends and Family

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For the second year in a row, I’ve been privileged to spend my birthday with friends and family! 

The first pic below is from when I ran my last half marathon. This year I’m training for a full…but my birthday coincided with a rest day! The rest of the pics are from today and the days leading up to today! 

I’m so lucky to have all of you in my life!!! Thank you for being there for me through all of life’s ups and downs. #goteam

Love, Heather! 

I ran for my Grandma Ham last year. This year I’m running for the mom of a friend, Grandma Ham, Dave’s grandma Pearl, tins of other people important to my people…and for the friends and family of people no longer with us. 

Aside

Me: Ooooooh no! We’re out of milk. I could have gotten some at the store last night! 

Dear Husband: I know…I didn’t realize that either. It’s alright. 

Me:[said very forcefully like a 2 year old objecting to something] It is NOT alright. It is NOT (stamps foot). 

Then we both erupted in fits of laughter. My happy moment for the morning. I’m drinking my coffee black today people! Whoa….I’m a grownup!  

 

Morning Coffee

Damn Hard Work

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Fighting depression is damn hard work. Sorry about the language…but it’s true! I’m beat. As I was napping on my lunch break I tried to figure out how to visualize what depression physically felt like to me.  Lots of times I know I look like this:


Happy, smiling and supportive. Which I am, really, sometimes. I don’t have melancholy. Even with depression I can be happy. But sometimes I’m not. 

Sometimes I feel like this on the inside: 

 
I was watching the Doctor Who in that last picture! 

It’s hard to explain. So…strangely enough…the image that popped into my head when I tried to visualize my depression…Being on Peter Pan’s Flight at Disney! I know, right?!? Odd!  

Peter Pan’s Flight is a happy, fun KIDS ride! It’s one of my favorites. If you don’t know it, just search for it on YouTube. Lots of people have filmed ride throughs. It’s gentle, magical and slightly suspenseful. 

But your ship rocks a little. Sometimes it feels like you make abrupt movements. The ground drops out from under you and things get dark. I think there is also an element of being reminded of not wanting to grow up and adult on a daily basis. That stinks. 

I would have thought the Haunted Mansion would be more appropriate, but nope! You go to the haunted mansion for the thrill. You know the drop is coming. Even though you know Peter Pan has a dark side, you don’t go into it thinking its a scary thrill ride! You are lulled into peacefulness with happy music and much loved memories from childhood.  The ride has subtle fear, jerks you around the tiniest bit and maybe even disorients you for a second …just like my brain with messed up neurotransmitters! 

In the end, though, you leave the ride smiling and just maybe have a sense again of what life could be if you rediscover that childish wonder! That’s my depression, too. It comes and goes, blindsides me, makes me fight it…and in the end I come out victorious-just like Peter Pan! It’s hard work though…
 

#5 March 25

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#5 March 25

Whew! Made it another year! To recap-something really scary happened to someone I love five years ago. Wise words, sage advice and a reminder to live life to its fullest were given. Instead of worrying and holding on to bad memories of this day, I’ve chosen to use it as a reset button. It’s time to reflect and make plans and recharge. 

The last few years have been tough for me, and I can see that when I look back at some of these older March 25 posts. Even though this year has been tougher, I decided to focuse on the positives… Which is a positive! 

Now, I may keep the post somewhat short because I’m still recovering from my barrage of allergy tests yesterday…. 

One of the “live life to its fullest” decisions I made was to start running. I wouldn’t have done that without you, little bro! So good. It’s brought me friendship, health and confidence. And, in turn, I’ve been able to use running as a way to help others. Because you helped me, I’ve been able to help other people!  Here’s a pic of some of my team after a training last Fall: 
 

I also took a huge step this year and started addressing my anxiety and depression head on. That’s going to be tougher than running a half-marathon! I started coloring and being more creative,  I’ve been hanging out with friends, I volunteered at ComicCon and with PopCulture Classroom…. Lots of good stuff happened this year! I just wish I was closer to my family and my far away, old friends so we could do some of these things together.  

Anyway… The allergies are kicking my butt so I can’t stay awake too much longer. The real big thing I wanted to say this year is thank you! Thank you to everyone who supported and encouraged me when I couldn’t do that for myself. Thank you for keeping inviting me to things even when I bail out, thank you everyone for making me laugh and smile…and for hugs and shoulders to cry on, bringing me chocolate ice cream, checking on me, and little surprises in the mail! Hopefully, I can do more of those things for you guys soon! 

And thank you, brother dear for planting an idea in my head that really took root and is starting to blossom! Reminding me to live life, and that I didn’t always have to be the strong one is what is helping me find my strength! 

Ok…to wrap up…here are some of my favorite pictures from this year-plus one a little older! 

   
    
    
 

  
Let’s all get out there and live our best lives…together! 

It wasn’t  a nightmare! 

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Part of my therapy is going to be talking about my dreams. I was ever so thrilled (read that dripping with sarcasm) when my therapist asked if I’d been remembering more dreams after starting the antidepressant. This lead me to believe I should be remembering more dreams…My dreams have historically been amazingly scary! This was not good news. 

So, here’s the deal…and I’m not sure what to make if it. I AM remembering more dreams. But for the most part, they aren’t scary! They are golden. They are funny and they’ve been cracking me up! Unfortunately, most of the details dissipate into a gossamer mist soon after my eyes open. I’m left with only a vague memory of laughter or accomplishment. 

Last night was different -I remembered! In the dream, Von Miller and I were on some kind of reality show team. (I wonder where my brain got that idea??) We won a prize of some sort.  In the dream, He taught me archery (?!?),  convinced me to get a tattoo of an arrow, and in this dream, he funded my team in training fundraising season. Hahahaha….here’s the link 😉 http://pages.teamintraining.org/rm/lvrnr16/HCollins#My-Fundraising-Page

The funny, to me, part is that I only know  a few things about Von – he  is apparently pretty good at football and he’s on Dancing with the Stars. To be honest-the first thing I think of, though, when I hear his name in the media is Von’s Vision. What a great mission and what a great inspiration. Since this is my “Go Big” year….I want to be in a position someday when I can give so much back to my community! 

Ok. The funniest dream I’ve ever had is still the one about saving myself from a squadron of flying, twinkling, vampire turkeys by folding my laundry….