#5 March 25

Whew! Made it another year! To recap-something really scary happened to someone I love five years ago. Wise words, sage advice and a reminder to live life to its fullest were given. Instead of worrying and holding on to bad memories of this day, I’ve chosen to use it as a reset button. It’s time to reflect and make plans and recharge. 

The last few years have been tough for me, and I can see that when I look back at some of these older March 25 posts. Even though this year has been tougher, I decided to focuse on the positives… Which is a positive! 

Now, I may keep the post somewhat short because I’m still recovering from my barrage of allergy tests yesterday…. 

One of the “live life to its fullest” decisions I made was to start running. I wouldn’t have done that without you, little bro! So good. It’s brought me friendship, health and confidence. And, in turn, I’ve been able to use running as a way to help others. Because you helped me, I’ve been able to help other people!  Here’s a pic of some of my team after a training last Fall: 
 

I also took a huge step this year and started addressing my anxiety and depression head on. That’s going to be tougher than running a half-marathon! I started coloring and being more creative,  I’ve been hanging out with friends, I volunteered at ComicCon and with PopCulture Classroom…. Lots of good stuff happened this year! I just wish I was closer to my family and my far away, old friends so we could do some of these things together.  

Anyway… The allergies are kicking my butt so I can’t stay awake too much longer. The real big thing I wanted to say this year is thank you! Thank you to everyone who supported and encouraged me when I couldn’t do that for myself. Thank you for keeping inviting me to things even when I bail out, thank you everyone for making me laugh and smile…and for hugs and shoulders to cry on, bringing me chocolate ice cream, checking on me, and little surprises in the mail! Hopefully, I can do more of those things for you guys soon! 

And thank you, brother dear for planting an idea in my head that really took root and is starting to blossom! Reminding me to live life, and that I didn’t always have to be the strong one is what is helping me find my strength! 

Ok…to wrap up…here are some of my favorite pictures from this year-plus one a little older! 

   
    
    
 

  
Let’s all get out there and live our best lives…together! 

It wasn’t a nightmare!

Part of my therapy is going to be talking about my dreams. I was ever so thrilled (read that dripping with sarcasm) when my therapist asked if I’d been remembering more dreams after starting the antidepressant. This lead me to believe I should be remembering more dreams…My dreams have historically been amazingly scary! This was not good news. 

So, here’s the deal…and I’m not sure what to make if it. I AM remembering more dreams. But for the most part, they aren’t scary! They are golden. They are funny and they’ve been cracking me up! Unfortunately, most of the details dissipate into a gossamer mist soon after my eyes open. I’m left with only a vague memory of laughter or accomplishment. 

Last night was different -I remembered! In the dream, Von Miller and I were on some kind of reality show team. (I wonder where my brain got that idea??) We won a prize of some sort.  In the dream, He taught me archery (?!?),  convinced me to get a tattoo of an arrow, and in this dream, he funded my team in training fundraising season. Hahahaha….here’s the link 😉 http://pages.teamintraining.org/rm/lvrnr16/HCollins#My-Fundraising-Page

The funny, to me, part is that I only know  a few things about Von – he  is apparently pretty good at football and he’s on Dancing with the Stars. To be honest-the first thing I think of, though, when I hear his name in the media is Von’s Vision. What a great mission and what a great inspiration. Since this is my “Go Big” year….I want to be in a position someday when I can give so much back to my community! 

Ok. The funniest dream I’ve ever had is still the one about saving myself from a squadron of flying, twinkling, vampire turkeys by folding my laundry….

Spring. Comin’ at me like a ton of bricks…

 This is my happy face. For real. 

 
I’m on day 5 without any allergy meds. I used to average 15,000 steps a day. Yesterday I managed about 1200. Whoooooaaaah. I just need to make it to Wednesday and my allergy tests!! Welcome to my pity party….

My ears ring, my head hurts, my sinuses whistle and I can feel my heartbeat in my scalp! My chest and neck look like a red, itchy,  rorschach test. (I see used Kleenex….) I made my husband hide the Claritin and I’ve figured out I would last about three days in the zombie apocalypse without it. Then…I’d throw myself in front of a zombie horde. 

This is how Timmy and I have spent the weekend: 

  
I’ve received this meme quite a few times too. 

  
…and even though it hurts to laugh. It made me laugh. A lot. An awful lot. Right now, laughter IS my only medicine! 

In this pain induced haze in which I currently exist, I’ve decided to see if I can make one fundraising  goal come to fruition. This year my theme is  Go Big! So… I want to see if I can get a gift to my team in training fundraising effort from a stranger! Crowd sourcing, philanthropy, pay it forward kind of thing. If that happens, I’ll make a small donation to the Asthma and Allergy Association of America. ’cause it’s allergy season, the theme of this blog post is allergies, I can’t run for Team in Training if my allergies are out of control,  etc. etc. etc. 

So…here is a link to my FUNdraising page

http://pages.teamintraining.org/rm/lvrnr16/HCollins#My-Fundraising-Page
(PS…I need to update my page to reflect I’m training for the FULL marathon now. Take that, Asthma!!!!) 

Leave it!

Some of you may have picked up that I’m struggling (again) with some anxiety and depression. I don’t always talk about it, but feel ok sharing on social media. Go figure! 

Mantra’s work for me when I’m running: you’ve got this, just make it to one more tree, strong lungs, strong legs, etc. So, I’ve been searching for a new mantra to use when I feel anxious. The old ones are now too much like an old movie you’ve seen way too many times and don’t pay attention to anymore… 

As I was leaving the house today, I found my mantra! The front door was closing and I was dashing to my bus when I caught a glimpse of something out of place on the counter. No big deal to anything but my anxious mind… Instinctively, I said forcefully out loud “Leave it!” And off I went, a happy commuting camper! It doesn’t work for my dogs…but it works for me!  

Now…I just need to start training these little stinkers to follow commands! 

 

Go Pollen!

I’m getting my allergy tests redone. Yay…sigh. Not my favorite thing to go through. Beside the needles and the, you know, being injected with stuff I know I’m allergic to, I have to go off of my allergy meds. Nasal spray was the first to go. Wednesday I’ll start a week of no Claritin. 

Here’s how things looked a couple of years ago. I was allergic to just about everything they tested for…but coffee, pine trees and horses. 

  
I apologize in advance for my crappy behavior and upcoming sour attitude. I’ll make the best if it…but will whine, too. Last time, I would have chosen a root canal over no allergy med’s! 

  
So, while I could…I enjoyed some time outside in the pollen-filled air. Next weekend I’ll be curled up in pain on the couch swearing at everything and begging Dave to tell me where he hid the antihistamines! Like this, but without the smile…

  

This will be a good happy spot to go to in my mind palace. 

 
Until then…if you talk to me “May the odds be ever in your favor.”